i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
