I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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