I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
