singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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