Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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