Don't make out with my wife yet
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize