Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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