I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
