I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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