And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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