Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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