I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
