i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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