Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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