I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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