i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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