i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
