also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize