Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I have already put on my inside pants.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
