So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
