Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
