he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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