u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
