He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
