Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
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dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
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A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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