I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
