wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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