It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
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You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
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I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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