In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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