Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
