and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
