we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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