Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
