it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
