I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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