He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
