Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize