I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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