I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
