Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
