I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
