hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
