i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
