never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He? As in you personified your dick?
Randomize
