Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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