You're my little dorito
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
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The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
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I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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