You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
