Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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