I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
