Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
