Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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