You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
