Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
how does that bad decision feel?
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