it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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