I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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