things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
