HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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