The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
