Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
